Day 28

Today may possibly have been a life turner....I like being cryptic and not give too much away. I guess I cant share all my secrets on here :-) All i gotta say is watch this space...

Allah swt has put us on this earth, our destiny etc is pre-ordained. However, there is nothing wrong with having aspiration to reach the highest peak in life. This peak can be anything from wanting to becoming a lawyer, or simply becoming a house wife. Or maybe it can be to become a leader of your life and yourself :-) It is very difficult these days to do this..we have so much around us that influences are thoughts and desires, it is often difficult to remain strong through these trials and tribulation. I always have a talk with myself (not in a crazy loopy way), to remain strong and brush off these horrible things...

Day 26
Yes yes...fish curry in the house. How often do us Bengali's get cussed about eating fish and stinking of fish - yes you know you've been there :-) All I gotta say is that you don't know what you are missing out on. Our traditional dish does tend to be the fish curry..but trust, as well as being healthy, it is very tasty. Get in touch if you fancy coming down to mine for a taster :-)

Day 25
Today was an interesting day...something happened that did shake me a little. But hey, that is life, you get a little knocked down and you come straight back up like a spring. Alhamdulillah - Allah SWT has given me some serious string :) That's all I am saying... over and out :-)

Day 27

I really believe we are the ones who can make the best of anything and everything. I am reading in so many books from great authors of our time about how TV is making us and our kids 'dumb'. Having thought about it, so many people love watching these soaps because they can let go of their reality and just sink into good old Eastenders or whatever. The problem with this, and without so many people realizing  we are being sublimely fed a load of garbage. I know many will think I am out of my mind, but it is very very true! On an unconscious level, TV, adverts and even music to some extent shape us on an sub-conscience level. You will not realize it but these messages do have an impact to the way you are / think and even do to some extent. In Islam we are encouraged to read and feed our mind with knowledge and that which would benefit us. But today, how many of us come home from work and just switch the telly on instead of sitting down with a good book? Anyway, I really wanted to point out that TV is not entirely evil. There are great programs on there which can be both entertaining and educational. I love watching the nature programs. I think its great!

Day 24
I love Mondays....Just to be different and move away from the norm, I always make sure I am excited about Mondays. Otherwise, its the same ol whining that a trillion other people are complaining about. Hey..at least you are alive to see Monday - Remember and appreciate it 'love'. lol...That's my only message for today. Over and out :-)

Day 23

People...I love people watching. Its interesting, although a little time consuming! I like to make up stores about the people that I observe (not in a creepy or psycho way!). Usually they are nice stories. I visited an interesting part of London on Sunday. People from all walks of like can be observed here. People wanting to earn a living just by entertaining on the streets can do so in this trendy part of London. Just to keep things interesting, I am not going to reveal which part of London I am talking about. It reminds me of what London is about -multiculturalism. Having grown up in Wembley, which at one point was the most multi-cultured part of Europe in the 90s, I am comfortable living side by side with any one of any colour. It is now alot different! I am in an area where I am definitely the minority and no other 'brown' person to be seen! Sometimes I don't observe 'political correctness' so apologies if  I have offended anyone!

Day 22
I am writing this on day 27!!! Ooops...been super busy this week. Had family come around to stay because of the half term holidays. So missed 5 days of blog writing!!!! Anyway, I was reading stuff about nutrition and health and stuff like that. I am sure you have heard this a billion times before, but sugar really is terrible for your body. When we have biscuit, surgar in our tea or even white pasta / rice etc, our body goes into 'oh shit' mode. Except for giving you a little energy, sugar doesn't actually have any nutritional effect on the body!! So take heed people, and cut down where you can!!! I know its hard to make a huge change, but the way I am doing it is by eliminating tea, thus eliminating my need to have biscuits (cant do tea without bics!).

Day 21

Embarrassing Embarrassing! That is a certain office in Northampton. I have to go there every two weeks :-) Subject myself to the condescending attitude from the people who work there (well not all who actually work there).  It sickens me. But then I think..hold on, I have earned this; that old cliche. Yes, I am talking about the Job Center. I did feel embarrassed admitting that I claimed benefits, but at the end of the day, if I qualify and I have a genuine need then why not?? I actually don't see anything wrong with it. Anyway, my displeasure comes about at the way people get treated. This also applies to some scums who think they have the 'right' to get abusive and violent towards staff there. I think it is the small minority that really do spoil it for the rest of us. If I were an employee there, I too would most likely have disgust at the people who misbehave. I guess we all have to make a living somehow and working at the job center is not as bad as compared to working in.....? Hmmmm not sure, something for me to think about :-) 

Day 20

To all my lovely and beautiful friends. Thanks you for your Valentine wish. At the risk of sounding a little bitter - I am honestly fine! Why are people concerned that I don't have a hubby to wish me 'Happy Valentines  on February 14th?? Come on guys, we have intelligence and street smart. Read about the origins of Valentines and why this day is celebrated. As a Muslim (again may sound controversial) we should not be wishing each other valentines anyway! Islam teaches a form of love far more beautiful and beneficial. :-)

I promise this is not a rant because I don't have anyone in my life. I just feel sad for those people that seem to not realize that this day is a fabrication and all it serves to do is make you spend money on things you should buy for your partner every so often anyway. Why not make a special day every month? That beats valentine day any day! Right? Or you can agree on a special day during the week where you can show / tell that person you love them. Or even better - make everyday count!

Day 19

Wow, day 19 already! I have just finished cooking and tidying the kitchen. In effort to be 'healthy' I attempted to make carrot and parsnip juice. Unfortunately the juicer came apart and there was an explosion of carrot all over me and my kitchen!! Oh well, there goes another failed attempt at becoming more health conscience. However, I will say this, I have cut down on my portion size and have realized what a difference it makes to the way I feel. I think the key is getting plenty of vegetable or salad with whatever your eating. So, if like me your into rice and curry, fill half the plate with salad and a little bit of rice and again, a small portion of curry. You will notice you feel full alot sooner then expected! I have made this little tweak and have noticed a huge difference! Try it, I am no nutritionist but if you train your stomach, to only expect 'small' portion of food, you will only crave that much. However  if you continually eat like there is no tomorrow, than I am afraid this is what your stomach will get used to and therefore expect at every meal! Stay Strong, stay healthy. 

Day 18

Football!!! Why do people get in a strop if their team loses?? I mean men complain about women being emotional, Hello!!! You people could not be more emotional if your team loses...I have a friend, unfortunately his team lost the other day. When I asked him how his day went, he told me he was in a 'bad mood'. I mean really? At least women get emotional about things worth getting emotional about...I don't think I have ever come across any female who gets really upset over a game ( I know there are plenty who do, but my point is that it is rare!). Its a wasted emotion if you ask me...I think we need to realize that there are always situations when we or our team wins, and they might be on a winning streak for a while. But, there will be times when you or your team will fall - that's just life. Its time to realize and prepare for those 'falls'. How do we do this? Ask yourself, how can this situation make me stronger? What situation you may ask? I am talking about those situations which are out of your control, those situations that upset you and may lead you to think negatively or have an adverse effect on your positive emotion. 

Stay positive... remember nothing is permanent, think of it as a 'blip'.

Day 17

I am a little upset...I guess what I am about to say will ring true with many people because it is so common these days and is simply now seen as 'normal'.  OK, so if you say you will do something like say, calling someone back 'later' because you are busy, is it then not expected that you will actually call them back?? Why then would you not bother calling them back? Do you just say something to someone just to be polite and get them off the phone?? Its not nice. Many would say that I am being sensitive and that this is what happens 'these days', people get distracted and 'forget' etc. I am sorry, but this is not an acceptable excuse if you ask me. You should always, always, be true to your word. Even if it is as simple as saying 'i will call you back'. I have been guilty of this in the past, but I have and am correcting this horrible trait in me. I apologies if I am upsetting anyone, but just sit back and think about it...I am hoping that this post makes you think and that you may take action to avoid making empty promises in the future. I really do believe that if you continue feeding this trait, it will continue to grow in the future where you will be letting people down on a much larger scale!

Day 17
How fun is it to go to the Terminal 3 airport?? You have a whiff of what to expect as soon as you get on the lifts from car Park 3. The smell is usually a concoction of curry, coconut oil and something else I cant put my finger on. I hope not to offend anyone, but come on people, lets have a shower if we're going out in public? If you must cook 15 different curries before you leave, at least change your clothes?? Its just plain rude to subject people to whatever you bring with you from your homes. Its basic human decency man!! Anyway, what I really wanted to say in this blog is how much I love love going to airport. Its a great place to observe and 'people watch' and no, not check out talent!! I just find it quite emotion when you're at the departure gates where people are holding each other crying like they're about to be executed...on the other hand, when you see people receiving their loved ones/friends, its always such a pleasure to see such joy. It must be great fun too working at the airport too...being in the middle of all the hustle and bustle of a busy airport. However, having thought about it,  I think it might be a little stressful at the airport? Hmmmm...very random thing to be thinking about!

RANDOM RANT!!

What do we want in an spouse? Its always the same thing!!! Someone please come up with a list which is a little different? I know you are looking for a friend in your future spouse, I know you want someone that understand you, I know you want someone you can travel with after you marry, I know you want someone you can grow old with...yawn yawn yawn!!! OMG please send someone who hasn't fallen for the hollywodd / bollywood dream! I want someone who is the complete opposite and who will challenge me, not agree with me all the time. Someone who I will fight with passionately (not physical obviously!), but also make up just as quickly with! Its not difficult to find someone is it?? We see different people all the time when we go out, shop, gym, etc etc Why then is it so damn difficult to meet a person, ascertain if you're compatible, and go to your masjid and say 'kabul'? Right??? Whose with me??

Day 16
I tried really hard to let go and have fun. Had plans, but was let down unfortunately at the last minute. Went on to make alternative plans with others, but everyone seems to be super busy and just not bothered. I feel sad, I feel as though people give no value to each other anymore. I felt like there was more connection before the days of 'whats app' and FB etc. Before the days when there were free calls available to all, before all this great new technology, I feel like people made more of an effort to visit each other and made more of an meaningful effort. I miss the days when we wrote letters to each other. When we met up regularly to go shopping or just sit in a coffee shop and chat.
It feels more lonely these days. Why are people more depressed these days? I have read many articles and thoughts from various intellects that essentially explains that whilst technology advances, people social skills is greatly deteriorating. Therefore, people generally becoming 'loners' and falling into depression and anxiety. I do also blame TV. There are all these silly reality shows, entertaining those mindless people who cannot be bothered to feed their brains with things of value. If you give up 1 hour of TV each day, that's 365 hours over 1 year! A new language could be learnt in this time...so many new things can be achieved in this! Time is the only thing we are losing...use it wisely!

Day 15
What to write?? Not in the mood today to be honest. Also, I have not been inspired in any way by anything or anyone. Its quite sad actually. This means that I haven't really lived and made the most of my day. What a waste. Oh My Lord, make me successful in this world and in the next, please forgive me for my laziness and procrastination, make me an amazing muslimah whom you are pleased with - I wish for my brothers and sister what I wish for myself - Aaameen.

Day 14

Are we not always looking to grow and develop ourselves? I always look for ways, tools and advice where I can learn to grow and to become a better person. But what if there is something in the current you that you don't realize you need to change and correct? I personally think this would be devastating! I think criticism (coming from the correct people, and not from lazy bums) can be invaluable. I used to take these quite offensively at one stage of my life, however, now Alhamdulillah I have a different perspective. I love it when people tell me I am like this and that! I find it soo enlightening. I have also come to realize (on my own accord), that I can be quite harsh. I don't mean to be, but then I reflect back on a conversation I had and think I was actually quite rude! I realize that I have been quite harsh with an individual by no fault of their own! Thinking and reflecting back on my communication with this person, I feel terrible and extremely guilty. Everyone deserves respect and a chance and I did not give this person the time of day! Anyway, I have owned up to my mistake and apologized to this person. I have also made lots and lots of dua for this person to be successful in every aspect of their life!

Make sure you are better today than you were yesterday! Wishing you every success (in sha Allah).

Day 13
I complain about the weather all the time and about how cold it is! Why do I do this I ask myself. I forget that in poorer countries like Bangladesh, people are losing their lives at this temperature.It really does put things in perspective. I complain, but then I realize how silly this complaint is. I guess we can apply this principle in most things in life. In Islam we are always encouraged to think about those who are worse off then us. However, we should still set our sight to the highest level of achievement, without compromising our religion of course. Anyway, back to my weather rant, I am grateful that I have the choice to put the heating on should the weather get cold outside! Also to put on the extra layer of clothing to keep warm. Also grateful that there is running hot water coming from the taps in my home. How many people around the world are there that would give up their right arm for all of this? Next time you complain, step back and think! We are only here in this world for a short period of time, lets not be negative. Lets instead have sabr (patience) and be positive in the face of every difficulty and challenge.

Day 12

Its always a pleasure to meet new people. They always bring a fresh perspective on things and life in general. I always find it interesting to see what people do / did, what family structure they etc . I really don't get those people that have no family and have very little friends? Don't these people get lonely? I really cant imagine being by myself all the time, although I do enjoy my own company once in a while, i think I would be bored! I believe human beings need company, we have been created to keep each other company and from going insanely bored. We have been created for each other, to love, find peace in, seek advice from etc. Can you imagine if the important people in your life at the moment didn't exist? How sad would that be? Its a really depressing feeling. I know we get on each others nerves at times, but that's only for a short period of time. Overall human interaction is soo important and nourishing for the soul. Its nice to meet up for a chat, instead of 'texting' and 'emailing' - this becomes soo impersonal. I hate talking on the phone, I prefer to meet and interact and chat...

Day 11

What an exciting feeling to be packing a suitcase when you are going on holiday. Or even when you are simply going away on a business trip (yes, I know, those of you who do this regularly may not agree!). When we used to go away on holiday to Bangladesh, mum would start the packing process at least a month before departure. The excitement started way before then, but when packing starts, you know you are 'really' going and cant help but even get more excited about it. People in Bangladesh always expect presents. I remember in the past when we used to open our suitcase in the 'Bari' (homestead), people from all over the village used to gather and watch in anticipation and excitement  Mum usually had something for everyone, so no one was disappointed. Dad is preparing to make that same journey. Only this time it is without my mum and without her know how on the best way to pack things away. I tried my best to remember whom I can to give pressies to etc. Apparently these days, Bangladesh imports alot of British products anyway (but you have to be a zillionaire up there to be able to afford it!). Anyway, I miss desh, but me thinks its best to go when I am not a perspective passport...

Day 10
Unproductive day. No real achievements or developments! I hate days like this, maybe I could have learnt something new? Or read a meaningful book, or any book for that matter?? But instead, I was very lazy today and thus feeling very guilty at the moment. Its a horrible feeling - Guilt.We feel this when we know we should of or should not of done something.It is a feeling of complete waste of emotion! oh well...better luck tomorrow I hope in sha Allah :-)

Day 9
What if there was no one in your life to look after you? This is in fact a reality for many people out there - people who actually have no one? Which is why, like so many,  people in my life do get up my nerves and sometimes I wish they would go away, but I know, when it comes down to whats truly important, they will always step up no matter what.For this I am thankful for family / friends / acquaintances and random people who sometimes care!When you are married, you have a loving spouse looking after you. If you are in a situation with no spouse or mother to look after you when you are unwell, what do you? Have faith of course. Often it is a case of 'mind of matter' situation where you just get up and just get over it. It is easier said then done, but always remember, Allah SWT loves his slaves. He loves us more then our own parents - what else do you need?

Day 8
I haven't been feeling too well for the past few days, hence these late blogs! Anyway, today I would like to talk about the joys of cooking! I have noticed when there is the pressure to entertain guests / family / friends there is extra love and care taken in preparing and cooking! I feel when there is a need to cook for at least 10 people, I get a little nervous which therefore means more time being taken! Normally, I am used to cooking for 4 or less...I was always concerned about how my cooking would taste like and would constantly ask my sisters for feedback and ways to improve the dish. But I have realized that the more you do something, the more easily and naturally it comes to you. Cooking is not difficult at all, but rather a concoction of imagination and ingredients! I haven't been able to perfect the traditional Bengali dishes such as 'lota' or 'shutki' (those that know what this means will most probably be in stitches, and as for the others, well you don't know what you are missing out on!), but most other dishes are now fairly yummy! Alahmdulillah. So I try to challenge myself on creating other yummy dishes - again, there is a fear of it turning out disgusting. However, I've learnt that the fear is only a fuel for you to to do something better then you normally would. So, lesson is that nothing is beyond your scope and capability, when my mum passed away, people were worried how we would fend for ourselves? Answer lies in trust in Allah and a little action - everything then sorts itself out!

Day 7
Another day...another dollar as they say (well, actually in my case, another dollar spent!). When you are unemployed, such as myself, you do tend to have free time in your hand. Many people ask me 'so what do you do with your time?' and say, 'you are so lucky - your a lady of leisure'. I tend to ignore these people, as it pisses me off a little! I may not be earning, but at least my father and two younger sisters come home to a clean home and to rice and curry! Fresh food and not convenient food! I use each and every day as productively as possible, I read, I learn I listen to things that will enhance me in my knowledge and therefore my growth. Alhamdulillah, I do my salaah on time to, which is a great benefit of not working. Currently, I am looking for suitable employment, but things are tough out there in the market place, very competitive and therefor things are slow. But I always believe you need to be positive in the eyes of negativity. So my CV gets chucked in the bin by some employers. This simply means the position wasn't suitable for me. So does this mean I lose heart? No, this means to patiently continue looking and always exploring options and being creative!

DAY 6
I really feel blessed to have amazing people in my life (actually, I am also blessed with not so amazing people in my life too). Even individuals that I meet and see once every so often and those people that say the smallest things but have the biggest impact and with this I had an amazing encounter today. As i was talking with this person, they made me smile a thousand smile inside with an observation they made about me, yet had no idea what an impact they had just made. Not going to mention what was said. Not because it was rude, but because it was something soo simple that it'll take me all night and day to explain as to why it had such a profound impact.

I feel:

I am destined for great things with the will of Allah

 - what make me so sure of this ? Because those with conviction and determination and those that create habits leading to those goals will be successful. I truly believe this is me. I really don't give a rats ass if people think I am being arrogant or being superficial. What really matters is that I believe it and only I have the power to make it happen (with permission from Allah of course). I cant remember whether I mentioned this in my earlier blog or not, but my intention behind starting these blogs is to empower people with self believe. I don't believe there is any one way to do this, but all I want to do is share how I grow and give someone else the chance (if they want to), to do the same in sha Allah. You will come across people in life who will be negative towards your goal, or be critical in what you are trying to do and achieve - I say ignore these people who are failures and have too much time to do nothing productive but to pull other people down to their level.

Anyway..enough ranting I think! Another point I want to make is that I believe that everyone is special and unique. We all have something that makes us 'A' star individual. That is what my ultimate goal is. This should be your goal too - don't be just 'mediocre'. If you do something, do it to the best of your ability, like your life depended on it!

Anyway, tired, so going bed ...Peace.

Day 5
Yay...Day 5! Not sure whats so special about today, but it is! I did wake up later then I should have, but still managed to get a great deal done - Alhamdulillah. I went to visit a friend who had given birth to twins. Both girls and adorable mash' Allah. My friend (non-muslim) is suffering from post natal depression. Her twins were born at 32 weeks (two months early) and are in the hospital being cared for. I wasn't really sure how I should console her or what to say - I felt like saying 'trust in Allah' your pain will end..but had no idea how to articulate it to someone I had only met a few times in the past few months (met her through an excel course I had been doing where we became friends - I thought maybe I should have at least one friend in Northampton). Anyway, for some reason she feels comfortable talking to me so I have become her ears for a short period of time - this got me thinking! Uh oh :-) Sometimes it feels good to talk to complete strangers who don't know much about you or your life, yet here I am sharing my thoughts and feelings with people I don't know and maybe will never get to know. I do always feel the need to be 'strong' and not show weakness. Many people were surprised at how 'together' I was soon after mum died - only Allah SWT knows the reality of this though. The way I see it, Allah almighty is the one who created everything and has power to do anything he wills - why then should I go to the mere creation that has no real control when I can call upon one who does and can change anything and everything?? So whilst I dont mind talking and sharing with people, if I want real change in my life, then I feel we first need to call on the Almighty and ask for his help - ALWAYS.

Day 4
I very nearly didn't make it to my blog today! Uh oh, procrastination setting in...astaghfirullah! May Allah protect us all from laziness - Ameen.
I visited my old home in Wembley - the home where I spent my childhood, and time as a young adult. I stood at the front of the house, just looking at it, reminiscing about the good old days, well actually just thinking about old memories (every day is a good old day alhamdulillah). I thought about the time when I literally broke my left arm, and how my mum went into a fit after seeing my arm dangling! I thought about how massive the house is - an old Victorian house with massive high ceilings and walls. It has 4 bedrooms, I wondered how an earth mum kept it so neat, clean and tidy, even with guests coming and going. I fondly remembered our neighbor - 'didi' we used to call her (in hindi, literally meaning sister). She was a didi, to us all, a friend that my mum shared long days with, talking and playing the ole game - LUDO and just sharing laughter. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss those days, but at least I had them and can fondly call on those memories whenever i need to - I am extremely grateful for that. I hope and make dua that my future holds many more times of laughter and joy. Alot of the times these days I wonder whether if that ever would happen, but then I realize what an ass shaytan is and why on earth do I let him put these thoughts in my head! YUK YUK YUK!
Anyway, am very tired today so this entry is fairly short one!

Day 3 

Woke up feeling positive Alhamdulillah. I woke with a zest to progress and not to procrastinate in achieving my goals. I really believe that setting those goals has provided me with a clear direction of where I want to go, and what I want to achieve - Alhamdulillah. Although i always knew what I wanted to do, it never really felt real until I wrote them down.

Anyway, today I want to talk about 'family'. Sometimes I feel so blessed to have certain member's in my family that have been such blessing and a source of strengths through my difficult times. Allah SWT knows who these people are and in sha Allah will reward them. Other times I feel so let down by certain 'close' members. Family should only be your rock and source of strength, but lately, I have been feeling let down by this 'rock' - I feel like these rocks have been bashing me. Anyway, with Allah's help, I am putting these misdemeanors down to weakness of faith in Islam and weakness in faith in me. I don't say this lightly, but at times I feel so alone without the strength of having a mother there - and having these types of issues does not help. What gets me through this? Obviously Allah, but also I get comfort from the fact that mum made dua that Allah protects us. She used to say this often with raised hands - this is a a great source of comfort to me and will always remain so. 

Anyway, i am grateful for my family regardless of what they say and do, even if they hurt me in an unprecedented way - in my heart I will always forgive and forget - may Allah SWT bless us with amazing people and reunite us in Jannah - Ameen. 

Day 2

My second day Mash'Allah! I forced a few people to view my day 1 blog, and alhamdulillah the feedback was positive. I should clarify something - I always regret anything that displeases Allah SWT. This can be sins that I committed intentionally or unintentionally, but I always seek Allahs SWT forgiveness because I have no idea when Allah will take my soul. 

Today I want to talk about my Goals. I attended a recent webinar titled 'Stay Strong, Finish strong' where the brother talked about setting goals and defeating procrastination. Interestingly we set and achieve goals on a daily basis, whether that's waking up at a certain hour, making that phone call to the loved one etc (although done on a sub-conscience level). The thing is, we can achieve anything we set our mind too! Its a cliche, but its true. I recently went on another seminar where I learnt the importance of journaling and its link to achieving goals you set for yourself. When you write something down you become more accountable and somehow you are more likely to 'do' it when you see it on paper (as long as you don't write it with a pencil so it can be erased!). I also cut out pictures and have a colorful collage of what I want in my future inshallah!

Everyone should do it :-)

Bismillah,

My first ever blog!! Alhamdulillah, I am not sure what or how I was inspired to write a blog, all I knew is that I needed to do this today - it was now or never! I am usually a private person with a 'poker face' so this is something completely new and unconventional on my part. Anyway, I have made the intention to write on a daily basis, thoughts feeling, rants, and anything that comes to my head really (which can be strange things at times!).
I have had a huge paradigm shift in this past 6 months - what was the trigger? The death of my dear mum, a women that I miss everyday and will likely to miss everyday for the rest of my life. She has come to my dream at least 3 times (the ones I can remember anyway!). So I know that Allah SWT is keeping her in his Mercy. There not many things in life that I regret, but I do regret not doing enough for her when she was alive....in a way this spurs me on today to do more good so she reaps the reward of it in her grave - that's what I sincerely hope and pray is happening anyway (Allah knows best).

Anyway...easy does it, I dont want to over exert myself and write everything (i might not have anything for tomorrow  or the day after, or the day after that!).

Anyway, ciao and Peace.