Day 7
Another day...another dollar as they say (well, actually in my case, another dollar spent!). When you are unemployed, such as myself, you do tend to have free time in your hand. Many people ask me 'so what do you do with your time?' and say, 'you are so lucky - your a lady of leisure'. I tend to ignore these people, as it pisses me off a little! I may not be earning, but at least my father and two younger sisters come home to a clean home and to rice and curry! Fresh food and not convenient food! I use each and every day as productively as possible, I read, I learn I listen to things that will enhance me in my knowledge and therefore my growth. Alhamdulillah, I do my salaah on time to, which is a great benefit of not working. Currently, I am looking for suitable employment, but things are tough out there in the market place, very competitive and therefor things are slow. But I always believe you need to be positive in the eyes of negativity. So my CV gets chucked in the bin by some employers. This simply means the position wasn't suitable for me. So does this mean I lose heart? No, this means to patiently continue looking and always exploring options and being creative!

DAY 6
I really feel blessed to have amazing people in my life (actually, I am also blessed with not so amazing people in my life too). Even individuals that I meet and see once every so often and those people that say the smallest things but have the biggest impact and with this I had an amazing encounter today. As i was talking with this person, they made me smile a thousand smile inside with an observation they made about me, yet had no idea what an impact they had just made. Not going to mention what was said. Not because it was rude, but because it was something soo simple that it'll take me all night and day to explain as to why it had such a profound impact.

I feel:

I am destined for great things with the will of Allah

 - what make me so sure of this ? Because those with conviction and determination and those that create habits leading to those goals will be successful. I truly believe this is me. I really don't give a rats ass if people think I am being arrogant or being superficial. What really matters is that I believe it and only I have the power to make it happen (with permission from Allah of course). I cant remember whether I mentioned this in my earlier blog or not, but my intention behind starting these blogs is to empower people with self believe. I don't believe there is any one way to do this, but all I want to do is share how I grow and give someone else the chance (if they want to), to do the same in sha Allah. You will come across people in life who will be negative towards your goal, or be critical in what you are trying to do and achieve - I say ignore these people who are failures and have too much time to do nothing productive but to pull other people down to their level.

Anyway..enough ranting I think! Another point I want to make is that I believe that everyone is special and unique. We all have something that makes us 'A' star individual. That is what my ultimate goal is. This should be your goal too - don't be just 'mediocre'. If you do something, do it to the best of your ability, like your life depended on it!

Anyway, tired, so going bed ...Peace.

Day 5
Yay...Day 5! Not sure whats so special about today, but it is! I did wake up later then I should have, but still managed to get a great deal done - Alhamdulillah. I went to visit a friend who had given birth to twins. Both girls and adorable mash' Allah. My friend (non-muslim) is suffering from post natal depression. Her twins were born at 32 weeks (two months early) and are in the hospital being cared for. I wasn't really sure how I should console her or what to say - I felt like saying 'trust in Allah' your pain will end..but had no idea how to articulate it to someone I had only met a few times in the past few months (met her through an excel course I had been doing where we became friends - I thought maybe I should have at least one friend in Northampton). Anyway, for some reason she feels comfortable talking to me so I have become her ears for a short period of time - this got me thinking! Uh oh :-) Sometimes it feels good to talk to complete strangers who don't know much about you or your life, yet here I am sharing my thoughts and feelings with people I don't know and maybe will never get to know. I do always feel the need to be 'strong' and not show weakness. Many people were surprised at how 'together' I was soon after mum died - only Allah SWT knows the reality of this though. The way I see it, Allah almighty is the one who created everything and has power to do anything he wills - why then should I go to the mere creation that has no real control when I can call upon one who does and can change anything and everything?? So whilst I dont mind talking and sharing with people, if I want real change in my life, then I feel we first need to call on the Almighty and ask for his help - ALWAYS.

Day 4
I very nearly didn't make it to my blog today! Uh oh, procrastination setting in...astaghfirullah! May Allah protect us all from laziness - Ameen.
I visited my old home in Wembley - the home where I spent my childhood, and time as a young adult. I stood at the front of the house, just looking at it, reminiscing about the good old days, well actually just thinking about old memories (every day is a good old day alhamdulillah). I thought about the time when I literally broke my left arm, and how my mum went into a fit after seeing my arm dangling! I thought about how massive the house is - an old Victorian house with massive high ceilings and walls. It has 4 bedrooms, I wondered how an earth mum kept it so neat, clean and tidy, even with guests coming and going. I fondly remembered our neighbor - 'didi' we used to call her (in hindi, literally meaning sister). She was a didi, to us all, a friend that my mum shared long days with, talking and playing the ole game - LUDO and just sharing laughter. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss those days, but at least I had them and can fondly call on those memories whenever i need to - I am extremely grateful for that. I hope and make dua that my future holds many more times of laughter and joy. Alot of the times these days I wonder whether if that ever would happen, but then I realize what an ass shaytan is and why on earth do I let him put these thoughts in my head! YUK YUK YUK!
Anyway, am very tired today so this entry is fairly short one!

Day 3 

Woke up feeling positive Alhamdulillah. I woke with a zest to progress and not to procrastinate in achieving my goals. I really believe that setting those goals has provided me with a clear direction of where I want to go, and what I want to achieve - Alhamdulillah. Although i always knew what I wanted to do, it never really felt real until I wrote them down.

Anyway, today I want to talk about 'family'. Sometimes I feel so blessed to have certain member's in my family that have been such blessing and a source of strengths through my difficult times. Allah SWT knows who these people are and in sha Allah will reward them. Other times I feel so let down by certain 'close' members. Family should only be your rock and source of strength, but lately, I have been feeling let down by this 'rock' - I feel like these rocks have been bashing me. Anyway, with Allah's help, I am putting these misdemeanors down to weakness of faith in Islam and weakness in faith in me. I don't say this lightly, but at times I feel so alone without the strength of having a mother there - and having these types of issues does not help. What gets me through this? Obviously Allah, but also I get comfort from the fact that mum made dua that Allah protects us. She used to say this often with raised hands - this is a a great source of comfort to me and will always remain so. 

Anyway, i am grateful for my family regardless of what they say and do, even if they hurt me in an unprecedented way - in my heart I will always forgive and forget - may Allah SWT bless us with amazing people and reunite us in Jannah - Ameen. 

Day 2

My second day Mash'Allah! I forced a few people to view my day 1 blog, and alhamdulillah the feedback was positive. I should clarify something - I always regret anything that displeases Allah SWT. This can be sins that I committed intentionally or unintentionally, but I always seek Allahs SWT forgiveness because I have no idea when Allah will take my soul. 

Today I want to talk about my Goals. I attended a recent webinar titled 'Stay Strong, Finish strong' where the brother talked about setting goals and defeating procrastination. Interestingly we set and achieve goals on a daily basis, whether that's waking up at a certain hour, making that phone call to the loved one etc (although done on a sub-conscience level). The thing is, we can achieve anything we set our mind too! Its a cliche, but its true. I recently went on another seminar where I learnt the importance of journaling and its link to achieving goals you set for yourself. When you write something down you become more accountable and somehow you are more likely to 'do' it when you see it on paper (as long as you don't write it with a pencil so it can be erased!). I also cut out pictures and have a colorful collage of what I want in my future inshallah!

Everyone should do it :-)

Bismillah,

My first ever blog!! Alhamdulillah, I am not sure what or how I was inspired to write a blog, all I knew is that I needed to do this today - it was now or never! I am usually a private person with a 'poker face' so this is something completely new and unconventional on my part. Anyway, I have made the intention to write on a daily basis, thoughts feeling, rants, and anything that comes to my head really (which can be strange things at times!).
I have had a huge paradigm shift in this past 6 months - what was the trigger? The death of my dear mum, a women that I miss everyday and will likely to miss everyday for the rest of my life. She has come to my dream at least 3 times (the ones I can remember anyway!). So I know that Allah SWT is keeping her in his Mercy. There not many things in life that I regret, but I do regret not doing enough for her when she was alive....in a way this spurs me on today to do more good so she reaps the reward of it in her grave - that's what I sincerely hope and pray is happening anyway (Allah knows best).

Anyway...easy does it, I dont want to over exert myself and write everything (i might not have anything for tomorrow  or the day after, or the day after that!).

Anyway, ciao and Peace.